“Imagine there's no countries.... Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.” - John Lennon.
Last week, I prepared a special final lesson for my third year students. Although they graduate in February and are officially graduates in March, it was my last lesson with them for the school year. The night before, I wrote each one a short “good luck” letter. For the quieter students, I had to think back to a prior lesson where I had them write about themselves, and remember what kind of plans they had for the future. For the outgoing students, it was easy to fill the note with some inside jokes that we came to share during the past six months. In addition to giving them letters, I wanted to prepare an interesting lesson with a video clip or song. I couldn't think of any appropriate songs that weren't too hard to understand, but finally, I found a Glee cover of John Lennon's “Imagine”. I thought that the students would enjoy it, and I also hoped that it would evoke a positive message about internationalization, which is one of the JET Program's goals after all.
Before showing them Glee's interpretation of “Imagine”, I showed them clips and pictures of a typical American graduation ceremony. I mostly emphasized the cap and gown, the token graduation speech, and the overall less solemn mood of the American graduation. (Japanese ceremonies tend to be a lot more formal and serious than American ones.) After I finished this introductory portion, the teacher I work with asked me to sit in the back of the classroom. He wanted the students to write me individual messages. I wasn't supposed to pay attention to what they were doing, but I couldn't help but peek at the board. I saw that the teacher had written helpful phrases, such as, “thank you for teaching us English.” I figured that I would receive sixteen cards with the same message. When the time limit was up, the teacher had each student walk to the back of the room and hand me my note.
The messages were not all the same. Each student added his or her own touch. Some of the students that consistently wore convincing looks of boredom wrote that they really enjoyed the class. I wonder if they were being sincere, but I appreciate the sentiment anyhow. I also thought it was cute that many of the students wrote “I love you” or “I love Kelly” in their note. One of the students wrote that she'll never forget me. I'll never forget her either. She's the type of girl that I always wished I was more like in high school. She's confident enough to have a unique haircut. In a place like Japan, where individualism isn't necessarily applauded, this is confidence. She wears no makeup, likes rock music, and says that she wants to own a motorcycle one day. Cool and confident, something I never mastered when I was her age. (And something I'm still having trouble with :p). I was pleasantly surprised when the “pretty girl” of the class (think American cheerleader) wrote about something that I had once said in class. I didn't think she was listening, since she was always picking her nails or doodling on her paper, but I guess underneath that “too cool for school” façade, she really did care about the class. In fact, she cared about many things other than looking her best everyday, and I started to notice this about her after I read her New Year's resolution. She had written that she wanted to have her own will. I think the message was changed a bit in translation, but I think she's aiming for her decisions, not others', to control her life. As a response to this resolution, I wrote in her card that she should always believe in herself.
I had one student in the class that always struggled to stay awake. But one day, I noticed that he was very peppy and awake. I mentioned this observation to him, and he said that he had slept through all of his earlier classes, in order to be awake for mine. I hate to admit that I was pleased, YET I was not comfortable with the idea of him sleeping through all of his other classes. I had to be very tactful in asking him to stay awake in all of his other classes, because I didn't want him to think that I didn't appreciate the effort...nor did I want him to be sleepy for mine. This student is a real character and the only one willing to risk politeness. Example, he never hesitated to tell me that my Japanese pronunciation of certain words is absolutely wrong. We had a lot of fun while he corrected my Japanese pronunciation. The funniest moment came from him trying to teach me the correct pronunciation of butatama during a food lesson. (Butatama is a type of okonomiyaki, or savory pancake.) When he handed his note to me during this last class, it was really funny to see that he had written butatama in it. Especially, because I had done the same in his letter.
One of the students was always quiet and serious in class, but every time I saw him in the hallway and waved, he would smile. I guess you can crack the really quiet ones. In his note, he said he wanted me to learn more about Japanese culture. No worries, I'm already well on my way...
Just as there is the “cool girl”, the “class clown”, and the “pretty girl” in every class, there's the “class flirt.” In my class, it was a male student and he always flirted with all of the girls, and one day even decided to blow kisses at me (which I stopped immediately). Well, this “class flirt” didn't spare me his charm on the last day. He wrote in his card, “Kelly is a very beautiful teacher” and signed his name in cursive. I guess he has a reputation to preserve.
I have a student that is very skilled in English conversation, my "star student" in English so to speak. His hobby is to watch You Tube videos, in order to learn English. In his message, he told me that his plan is to go to Los Angeles when he's twenty-four years old, and therefore he'll see me again. He signed the note with an “I love you.” I always told this student that he should study abroad one day, and that he'll excel at the university level. In fact, I tell all of my students that they can study abroad, but I think this student is more motivated to sign up for a program. My students are always quick to tell me that they love me, and I'm not sure what they mean by it, but I know that love comes in many shapes and forms. I love my students (even the loud and obnoxious ones, though I won't hesitate to give them attitude from time to time). O_o
After receiving my notes, we had about ten minutes left, within which I showed the class the “Imagine” video. With the help of a dictionary and the teacher, I translated some of the key words. I wanted the students to understand the message of love and unity, despite differences. I was pleasantly surprised to hear one student sing along, though I wasn't surprised that it was my "star student." In a way, those lyrics represent how I live in Japan. I overlook the fact that we look different, that we think differently, that we are from different countries, and that we practice different religions. Instead, I see us as “one”, the human race. Some people wonder how I can live in such a homogeneous society, void of all of the different ethnic groups we find in the United States. But I don't let it bother me, because we can all look different or we can all look the same, but it doesn't change that we are all “one people.”
So I handed my students their notes and left them with a message of living as “one”. They'll probably forget all of the English I taught them if they don't continue to study English. Even if they continue to study English, I only taught them for six months, so they'll probably still forget everything I taught them. If there's one thing I do want them to remember, it's this optimistic message I shared with them all term.
“Imagine all the people, sharing all the world. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you will join us, and the world will be as one.”
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
New Year’s Resolution: Don’t Make Any...d’oh!
2011: the year of the rabbit. I’d like to think that it’s my year, since it fits my nickname, but I was actually born in the year of the dragon, which could prove to be a good match. Dragons are stronger than rabbits, and according to one of my coworkers, this year will be a lucky one for the dragons. So far, so good. Not yet a full two weeks into the year, and I’ve already had two of my closest friends visit, traveled to some new places, seen old friends, and have made new ones. After an eventful and testing, but amazing 2010, it’s nice to refresh and set the tone for what I hope will be another great year. And this month, in a few days actually, I’ll have to make a big decision, which will probably not seem so large some years from now. But for now, it’s 2011 and it’s time to do some serious thinking.
On January 3rd, I took an overnight bus to Tokyo. The bus ride took about eight hours. Overnight bus rides are interesting; I feel as if I don’t sleep, yet every time I wake up, it’s three hours later from the last time I was awake, and time passes dully, but quickly. I don’t get quality sleep, but it’s a way to save on transportation and accommodation. Overnight buses usually arrive sometime between 5am and 9am. This one arrived at Shinjuku station, in Tokyo, at 6:30AM. The plan was to have an early breakfast, go to an onsen, meet my friend Yoko for lunch, check in at the hostel, and then meet my friends Rachel and Stephanie at the airport. Most of everything went according to plan, except for the morning. I wanted to settle down at a nice place for breakfast, yet the first recognizable place I could find was McDonalds. A blessing and a curse, those golden arches are all over the world.
I meant to only spend an hour or so at McDonalds, but two coffees, one hashbrown, an egg sandwich, and four hours later, I was barely leaving McDonalds. Kind of like the overnight bus, I’m not sure how the time passed by so quickly, but it did pass. After eating, I flipped through my guidebook, watched a movie on my ipod, messaged my family, wrote some thoughts on scratch paper, did a lot of thinking, and people watched. (The most entertaining was this girl with greasy hair that smelled like alcohol, and had her head down on the table. She was fast asleep, with a tray of two untouched meals in front of her. She was already there when I sat down, and she slept for about an hour, until the third incoming call in a row woke her. She answered, mumbled something into the phone, stood up and walked out, leaving the tray of food on the table. It was then, as she walked past, that I smelled the alcohol. I guess Ms.In-need-of-a-shampooing had had a long night, and was left hanging at McDonalds. Ouch.)
After the morning crowd had rushed in and out of McDonalds, the place got relatively quiet. I started to think about possibility. The possibility of certain things happening (or not) in the future, the possibilities for humanity, the possibility of success and failure, and the possibility of having more possibilities. O_o Though I didn’t want to, I started focusing on unchangeable circumstances, rather than focusing on choice. I know, it’s an uncertain and slippery slope once you start thinking about things you can’t control, and I found myself sliding. But, realizing that you have to deal with inevitable situations can make you aware of the value of choice. And while that may cause us to worry about the weight of our choices, it can eliminate the unnecessary stress of trying to change the things we cannot change. And, most people I know have a plethora of good things to choose from. Let’s never forget how blessed we are.
So, I talk about choice and circumstances, but what of fate? This past weekend, after my (amazing! fabulous!) trip to Tokyo and Nikko, I took my guests to Nara. We entered Todai-ji, a famous temple, and Stephanie and I decided to buy a fortune. For those of you outside of Japan, this is how it works: you either pick a small slip of paper out of a box, or you shake a container and lean it to the side, until a stick comes out of the small opening. The paper or stick will have a number printed on it, and that is the number of your fortune. You take your number to the temple employee, and he or she hands you a fortune. There might be more ways to get a fortune, but those two are the ones that I’ve noticed. My number was five, so the temple employee handed me the designated fortune for that number. I received my fortune after Stephanie, and she said that I had a horrible expression on my face as I read it.
Here is the gist of my fortune, recreated from memory:
Health: if you have a health problem, it will get worse.
Personal: the person you are waiting for will not come.
Travel: inadvisable.
Competition: you will lose.
Now you understand why I was horrified. If you get a bad fortune, you tie it to a tree or another designated area. The belief is that you won’t take the bad luck with you. I am not superstitious, but just to be on the safe side, I tied it next to the other bad fortunes. The fortune slip predicted misfortune, and even though I didn’t take the fortune to heart, it still revealed some of the insecurities and questions lurking in my subconscious. I forgot about it for the rest of the day, but I did think about it on the train ride back home. I linked the travel portion of the fortune to the decision that I alluded to earlier, which some of you already know of. That is, the need to decide whether I should stay in Japan for another year, or go home. Although I don’t believe that the fortune predicts the outcome of my decision, it did make me worry. It goes back to worrying about the weight of our decisions... Regarding the fortune, I realized how ambiguous it was, since “travel” is vague word, and I would technically travel back to the U.S. . But, if you think about it, even though I am living in Japan, I am still a traveler in this foreign country. Instead of taking the fortune as something likely to happen, I considered it a word to the wise. Time to check my expectations: when I think about going back home or about staying, are my expectations realistic? My fortune made me realize that some of them may not be. Evaluating expectations can be a helpful approach to decision making.
We may give fate more credit than she deserves, or we might not respect her enough. Just remember, “You can't leave everything up to fate...she has a lot to do! Sometimes, you must give her a hand.” Sounds like all women, real or personified, have a lot on their plate. :p
Earlier, I mentioned that a teacher told me that 2011 will be a lucky year for dragons. What I neglected to mention was that she also said that the following year will be an unlucky one for the dragon. She suggested that I go to the shrine and pray, in order for it to not affect me. What I don’t understand is, if next year will be the year of the dragon, why would it be unlucky for us? Well, whatever the case, luckily I can breathe fire and burn down anything that stands in my way ;).
The first lesson of the year in all my classes will be a New Year's lesson. In this lesson, we speak about the fortunes that Japanese people buy from the temples or shrines on New Year's day. I brought up the contents of my fortune while conversing with the teacher that helped me prepare the lesson. She surprised me when she said that sometimes bad fortunes are better than good ones. Her reasoning: when you are presented with the worst kind of news, figuratively speaking, there’s no direction that you can go, but up. She even said that some people are happy to receive bad fortunes, because it symbolizes the ability to raise yourself out of any negative circumstance; things can only get better. Bad fortune or not, we all have those from time to time, and we are faced with choices to make. Again, how much are we relying on fate? How can we be more proactive in creating the changes we want to see?
So, while I told myself that I wouldn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year, I find myself with a long mental list, ready to exchange dreams for plans.
On January 3rd, I took an overnight bus to Tokyo. The bus ride took about eight hours. Overnight bus rides are interesting; I feel as if I don’t sleep, yet every time I wake up, it’s three hours later from the last time I was awake, and time passes dully, but quickly. I don’t get quality sleep, but it’s a way to save on transportation and accommodation. Overnight buses usually arrive sometime between 5am and 9am. This one arrived at Shinjuku station, in Tokyo, at 6:30AM. The plan was to have an early breakfast, go to an onsen, meet my friend Yoko for lunch, check in at the hostel, and then meet my friends Rachel and Stephanie at the airport. Most of everything went according to plan, except for the morning. I wanted to settle down at a nice place for breakfast, yet the first recognizable place I could find was McDonalds. A blessing and a curse, those golden arches are all over the world.
I meant to only spend an hour or so at McDonalds, but two coffees, one hashbrown, an egg sandwich, and four hours later, I was barely leaving McDonalds. Kind of like the overnight bus, I’m not sure how the time passed by so quickly, but it did pass. After eating, I flipped through my guidebook, watched a movie on my ipod, messaged my family, wrote some thoughts on scratch paper, did a lot of thinking, and people watched. (The most entertaining was this girl with greasy hair that smelled like alcohol, and had her head down on the table. She was fast asleep, with a tray of two untouched meals in front of her. She was already there when I sat down, and she slept for about an hour, until the third incoming call in a row woke her. She answered, mumbled something into the phone, stood up and walked out, leaving the tray of food on the table. It was then, as she walked past, that I smelled the alcohol. I guess Ms.In-need-of-a-shampooing had had a long night, and was left hanging at McDonalds. Ouch.)
After the morning crowd had rushed in and out of McDonalds, the place got relatively quiet. I started to think about possibility. The possibility of certain things happening (or not) in the future, the possibilities for humanity, the possibility of success and failure, and the possibility of having more possibilities. O_o Though I didn’t want to, I started focusing on unchangeable circumstances, rather than focusing on choice. I know, it’s an uncertain and slippery slope once you start thinking about things you can’t control, and I found myself sliding. But, realizing that you have to deal with inevitable situations can make you aware of the value of choice. And while that may cause us to worry about the weight of our choices, it can eliminate the unnecessary stress of trying to change the things we cannot change. And, most people I know have a plethora of good things to choose from. Let’s never forget how blessed we are.
So, I talk about choice and circumstances, but what of fate? This past weekend, after my (amazing! fabulous!) trip to Tokyo and Nikko, I took my guests to Nara. We entered Todai-ji, a famous temple, and Stephanie and I decided to buy a fortune. For those of you outside of Japan, this is how it works: you either pick a small slip of paper out of a box, or you shake a container and lean it to the side, until a stick comes out of the small opening. The paper or stick will have a number printed on it, and that is the number of your fortune. You take your number to the temple employee, and he or she hands you a fortune. There might be more ways to get a fortune, but those two are the ones that I’ve noticed. My number was five, so the temple employee handed me the designated fortune for that number. I received my fortune after Stephanie, and she said that I had a horrible expression on my face as I read it.
Here is the gist of my fortune, recreated from memory:
Health: if you have a health problem, it will get worse.
Personal: the person you are waiting for will not come.
Travel: inadvisable.
Competition: you will lose.
Now you understand why I was horrified. If you get a bad fortune, you tie it to a tree or another designated area. The belief is that you won’t take the bad luck with you. I am not superstitious, but just to be on the safe side, I tied it next to the other bad fortunes. The fortune slip predicted misfortune, and even though I didn’t take the fortune to heart, it still revealed some of the insecurities and questions lurking in my subconscious. I forgot about it for the rest of the day, but I did think about it on the train ride back home. I linked the travel portion of the fortune to the decision that I alluded to earlier, which some of you already know of. That is, the need to decide whether I should stay in Japan for another year, or go home. Although I don’t believe that the fortune predicts the outcome of my decision, it did make me worry. It goes back to worrying about the weight of our decisions... Regarding the fortune, I realized how ambiguous it was, since “travel” is vague word, and I would technically travel back to the U.S. . But, if you think about it, even though I am living in Japan, I am still a traveler in this foreign country. Instead of taking the fortune as something likely to happen, I considered it a word to the wise. Time to check my expectations: when I think about going back home or about staying, are my expectations realistic? My fortune made me realize that some of them may not be. Evaluating expectations can be a helpful approach to decision making.
We may give fate more credit than she deserves, or we might not respect her enough. Just remember, “You can't leave everything up to fate...she has a lot to do! Sometimes, you must give her a hand.” Sounds like all women, real or personified, have a lot on their plate. :p
Earlier, I mentioned that a teacher told me that 2011 will be a lucky year for dragons. What I neglected to mention was that she also said that the following year will be an unlucky one for the dragon. She suggested that I go to the shrine and pray, in order for it to not affect me. What I don’t understand is, if next year will be the year of the dragon, why would it be unlucky for us? Well, whatever the case, luckily I can breathe fire and burn down anything that stands in my way ;).
The first lesson of the year in all my classes will be a New Year's lesson. In this lesson, we speak about the fortunes that Japanese people buy from the temples or shrines on New Year's day. I brought up the contents of my fortune while conversing with the teacher that helped me prepare the lesson. She surprised me when she said that sometimes bad fortunes are better than good ones. Her reasoning: when you are presented with the worst kind of news, figuratively speaking, there’s no direction that you can go, but up. She even said that some people are happy to receive bad fortunes, because it symbolizes the ability to raise yourself out of any negative circumstance; things can only get better. Bad fortune or not, we all have those from time to time, and we are faced with choices to make. Again, how much are we relying on fate? How can we be more proactive in creating the changes we want to see?
So, while I told myself that I wouldn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year, I find myself with a long mental list, ready to exchange dreams for plans.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
"Mr. Intentional"
So here's a less upbeat post that was inspired by an insightful Lauryn Hill song, and provoked by a recent situation, though not limited to said scenario. I write about those that have hurt me or others, and that will never learn to respect others. I will call you “Mr. Intentional.” Also, I share my thoughts for all of you that show compassion and love, despite the wrongdoing and corruption that may surround you. I want you to know that you don't need to degrade yourself, and you shouldn't be pressured into exchanging your kindness for malice, even in a world where it seems that everyone else does. Simply, be careful, don't let anyone bring you down; you are worth more than you know, and you need to start believing it. I believe it. And for those that are guilty of initiating deceit, realize that it's not too late to change who you are, but the real question is, are you brave enough to?
So, I begin by saying to the wrongdoers that have inspired this blog, don't feel special because I am taking the time to write about you. I write about things that impact me, and it's not rocket science to see that your repulsive acts have impacted me.... I've learned a lesson, and I have made a promise to myself that I will be more careful about who I give my time to. And even though you are a part of my narrative, you should know, “Mr. Intentional”, that you're only worth the thirty or so minutes that it will take me to write this blog. I may even be giving you more than you're worth, but don't overestimate its value. I'm only giving you a miniscule fraction of the time and energy that I have to give, that I've ever given, and that I will continue to give. Thirty minutes compared to a lifetime, is nothing. And I'll even be dramatic to emphasize my point – thirty minutes compared to the age of our earth and universe is but a mere speck in time. And don't you dare compare the nature of these words to the words I dedicate to others. I'll have you know that in regards to others that I write positively about, the time I spend writing about them is only a sparkle of the love, affection and gratitude that I feel for them.
Alright, now that I've made myself clear, I'll continue. I don't want to extend my generosity a minute more.
I know that we are all a little messed up at times. I know that we all come with baggage. And I KNOW that we are all immature at times. But when you find yourself trying to mask that part of you by lying, you're worse than the person who shows his or her ugly truth from the beginning. Because the ugly truth, I can deal with, and I have dealt with. See, by showing your ugly side, you are at least being brave enough to risk the possibility of others walking away from you. And usually, most people stick around to see you through. But the beautiful lies, no one likes to be played for a fool. So, keep your beautiful lies in your museum of deceit. As old as the practice may be, take your innovative set of lies home; I'm into the simple and classic practice of honesty. Don't be afraid to show others that you're only human and that you make mistakes. We all do. Mine was believing you and being mislead by you. And I can admit that, because I'm no coward. And for that reason, I've never had sympathy for cowards. Everyone deserves a second chance at redemption, but cowards never claim it. They ignore the opportunity to come clean, again and again. There is no good time to admit the ugly truth, so you just have to find the courage to unleash it. Cowards never do. And when the truth is found out (not directly from the coward, of course), it's funny how quickly they hide that “sweet” face of theirs. Yeah. I can tell that cowards are scared of me, because they always avoid confrontation.
I can move on from a negative situation. But I don't need to tell you that, “Mr. Intentional” ; you realized that when I stopped allowing you to take advantage of the situation. For me, it was a lesson learned. As for you, you might never learn. For the sake of others, I hope that you do. But even if you don't, I am unaffected. I'll continue living my life.
So, please, if you find yourself in a situation where a “Mr. Intentional” is taking advantage of you, don't allow it. Don't fill your head with others' lies. The only person you can rely on one-hundred percent, twenty-four hours a day, is yourself, so protect your well-being. Value yourself and be good to others. People come and go, so focus on your positive dreams. Don't be scared of being alone, because you won't have to: positive people find positive people. If you realize this, then anytime that someone hurts you, those feelings of hurt will eventually fade. Mind you, “Mr. Intentional” will never apologize or have the courage to face you, so force yourself to move on without a sincere apology. Usually, only those that have taken precautions from the beginning to not hurt you are the type to offer a sincere apology.
Finding the strength to move past a situation reminds me of one of Rocío Dúrcal's songs, “Caray.” Dúrcal sings about someone that has hurt her: “despues, despues yo te olvide, y te perdone, y no puedo hacer ya nada por ti.” Basically, she sings that after everything was said and done, she forgot him, she forgave him, and that's all that she can do for him. So, if you've been hurt, just remember that you should offer forgiveness. In the large scheme of things, and in a world with larger problems, it's a minor situation, so don't blow it out of proportion by allowing yourself to become a bitter person.
So, my dear friends, “Mr. Intentional” knows what he has done to you, and the person will do it again if you let him or her. I would hate to see you cry, twice. Keep this saying in mind, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” You don't need to be in a situation where people are using you. Don't be in denial, and don't make excuses for people: “Fantasy is what people want, but reality is what they need.” The reality is that you need to get away, and stay away. You might walk away with hurt feelings, but you'll walk away with the ability to heal. And as for them, they'll have their conscience to answer to, and their denial to keep them company.
And “don't (you dare) worship my hurt feelings, Mr. Intentional.” Yet, I can't guarantee that you won't, because as it has been written, when it's all said and done, I will forgive you, I will forget you, and that's all I can do for you.
So, I begin by saying to the wrongdoers that have inspired this blog, don't feel special because I am taking the time to write about you. I write about things that impact me, and it's not rocket science to see that your repulsive acts have impacted me.... I've learned a lesson, and I have made a promise to myself that I will be more careful about who I give my time to. And even though you are a part of my narrative, you should know, “Mr. Intentional”, that you're only worth the thirty or so minutes that it will take me to write this blog. I may even be giving you more than you're worth, but don't overestimate its value. I'm only giving you a miniscule fraction of the time and energy that I have to give, that I've ever given, and that I will continue to give. Thirty minutes compared to a lifetime, is nothing. And I'll even be dramatic to emphasize my point – thirty minutes compared to the age of our earth and universe is but a mere speck in time. And don't you dare compare the nature of these words to the words I dedicate to others. I'll have you know that in regards to others that I write positively about, the time I spend writing about them is only a sparkle of the love, affection and gratitude that I feel for them.
Alright, now that I've made myself clear, I'll continue. I don't want to extend my generosity a minute more.
I know that we are all a little messed up at times. I know that we all come with baggage. And I KNOW that we are all immature at times. But when you find yourself trying to mask that part of you by lying, you're worse than the person who shows his or her ugly truth from the beginning. Because the ugly truth, I can deal with, and I have dealt with. See, by showing your ugly side, you are at least being brave enough to risk the possibility of others walking away from you. And usually, most people stick around to see you through. But the beautiful lies, no one likes to be played for a fool. So, keep your beautiful lies in your museum of deceit. As old as the practice may be, take your innovative set of lies home; I'm into the simple and classic practice of honesty. Don't be afraid to show others that you're only human and that you make mistakes. We all do. Mine was believing you and being mislead by you. And I can admit that, because I'm no coward. And for that reason, I've never had sympathy for cowards. Everyone deserves a second chance at redemption, but cowards never claim it. They ignore the opportunity to come clean, again and again. There is no good time to admit the ugly truth, so you just have to find the courage to unleash it. Cowards never do. And when the truth is found out (not directly from the coward, of course), it's funny how quickly they hide that “sweet” face of theirs. Yeah. I can tell that cowards are scared of me, because they always avoid confrontation.
I can move on from a negative situation. But I don't need to tell you that, “Mr. Intentional” ; you realized that when I stopped allowing you to take advantage of the situation. For me, it was a lesson learned. As for you, you might never learn. For the sake of others, I hope that you do. But even if you don't, I am unaffected. I'll continue living my life.
So, please, if you find yourself in a situation where a “Mr. Intentional” is taking advantage of you, don't allow it. Don't fill your head with others' lies. The only person you can rely on one-hundred percent, twenty-four hours a day, is yourself, so protect your well-being. Value yourself and be good to others. People come and go, so focus on your positive dreams. Don't be scared of being alone, because you won't have to: positive people find positive people. If you realize this, then anytime that someone hurts you, those feelings of hurt will eventually fade. Mind you, “Mr. Intentional” will never apologize or have the courage to face you, so force yourself to move on without a sincere apology. Usually, only those that have taken precautions from the beginning to not hurt you are the type to offer a sincere apology.
Finding the strength to move past a situation reminds me of one of Rocío Dúrcal's songs, “Caray.” Dúrcal sings about someone that has hurt her: “despues, despues yo te olvide, y te perdone, y no puedo hacer ya nada por ti.” Basically, she sings that after everything was said and done, she forgot him, she forgave him, and that's all that she can do for him. So, if you've been hurt, just remember that you should offer forgiveness. In the large scheme of things, and in a world with larger problems, it's a minor situation, so don't blow it out of proportion by allowing yourself to become a bitter person.
So, my dear friends, “Mr. Intentional” knows what he has done to you, and the person will do it again if you let him or her. I would hate to see you cry, twice. Keep this saying in mind, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” You don't need to be in a situation where people are using you. Don't be in denial, and don't make excuses for people: “Fantasy is what people want, but reality is what they need.” The reality is that you need to get away, and stay away. You might walk away with hurt feelings, but you'll walk away with the ability to heal. And as for them, they'll have their conscience to answer to, and their denial to keep them company.
And “don't (you dare) worship my hurt feelings, Mr. Intentional.” Yet, I can't guarantee that you won't, because as it has been written, when it's all said and done, I will forgive you, I will forget you, and that's all I can do for you.
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