Last night, as I was waiting for my parents, memories of my arrival in Japan flooded my head. I remembered how scared I had been, how reluctantly I had boarded the plane, and how excited I had pretended to be. I can only start to admit now that my heart wasn't into coming here. Resistant to the experience, but reluctant to step down from a challenge. Stubborn, stubborn me. I think the guest speaker at orientation saved me. I don't remember his exact phrasing, but I remember his message clearly, "...and some of you might be holding back tears as you're sitting there, wondering why you're not as excited as everyone else." Yep, that was me alright, and it comforted me to know that I wasn't the only one.
But I made it. And am so happy I came! And I have fallen in love with this place, and my students, and I am so glad I decided to recontract. This complete 180 reminds me of something a sociology professor once said about experience, "the more you resist, the harder you fall." Touche. I cringe to think of how much I would have missed out on if I hadn't taken the risk and made myself come. And now, now I get to share the experience with my parents and sister!!!!!
No matter the happy ending, I still get homesick. I still miss my family. And I still have to swallow emotions of longing for things far away. I realize how good I have gotten at repressing certain emotions, and good riddance, because they are feelings that will never go away, so I just have to learn how to deal with them.
Such feelings threatened to spill over as I waited for my parents. As I thought of every trip I have ever taken, of every trip I will ever take, and of the time I spend away from them. I see a recurring theme in my choice of adventure...
But now, it's a moment where everything pays off. Where I can show them around, share my favorites that I always rave about, and take them to places they never imagined they would be seeing. Growing up, my parents never imagined they would be visiting Japan, and now here they are, visiting their daughter who lives here. Life works in mysterious ways. A little mystery is good, yes.
So now, let the good times begin! Can't wait to see their reactions and hear their thoughts about life in Japan. I have gotten used to most things, so it'll be entertaining to relive the "fresh off the plane" perspective. I'll try my best to write them down and share them on here later.
And for those of you wondering why I'm blogging and not spending time with the family, it's because I had to go to work this morning, even though my work for the school semester is done. I have to use my nenkyuu (days off) strategically among the trips we have planned. Oh Japanese bureaucracy...
Why can't we have unlimited nenkyuu during the summer? :p
Rudy and Jannet, I wish you were here, too.
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